Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A New Beginning!
If I want my life to change I have to actually take action and do it myself. No one else can give me my happiness. Today is a new day and as good as any to start changing my life!
Some goals (in no particular order) to start this new journey:
Spend more time with my family and friends.
Hug my loved ones more often.
Don't push people away because I am afraid they won't approve.
Finish my degree and get a job I actually enjoy.
Join a Book Club.
Continue Glass Blowing.
Make new friends.
Make the time I do spend with Anthony more enjoyable with less fighting.
Not be so jealous.
Learn to share my feelings and put them into words while keeping my emotions under control.
Well, whether they are life changing goals or even just some that seem insignificant there they are. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
At the risk of sounding like Derek Zoolander, I am going to ask this question in hopes of finding an answer: Who am I?
I wish that I could learn to relax. I need to not take things so personally and just laugh them off. How do I do that?
I need to learn to be happy with who I am and if things aren't going my way in life I need to take charge and change them. If only it were that easy.
There are so many things always rolling around in my head: doubts, fears, uncertainty. Why do I feel I don't deserve good things to happen to me, that I don't deserve to feel happy? Everyone deserves a little happiness in their lives, heck they deserve a lot of happiness in their lives. Now if only I knew how to get it. How to love myself and appreciate myself.
I need to learn to be my own person and not rely on others so much but still know they are there when I need them and that I am not an inconvenience. That I am worth something. My opinion matters and I need to speak my mind no matter what others may think of me.
Why are some people born so confident and self-sufficient and just generally likeable people and then others are so unsure of themselves (guess which I am)?
I just feel so lost...
I am not sure the answer to any of these but I know these are the things I really need to work on so any help is much appreciated :) (so far not off to a good start on the being my own person and not relying on other people. Oh well I guess we all have to start somewhere...)
I need to learn to be happy with who I am and if things aren't going my way in life I need to take charge and change them. If only it were that easy.
There are so many things always rolling around in my head: doubts, fears, uncertainty. Why do I feel I don't deserve good things to happen to me, that I don't deserve to feel happy? Everyone deserves a little happiness in their lives, heck they deserve a lot of happiness in their lives. Now if only I knew how to get it. How to love myself and appreciate myself.
I need to learn to be my own person and not rely on others so much but still know they are there when I need them and that I am not an inconvenience. That I am worth something. My opinion matters and I need to speak my mind no matter what others may think of me.
Why are some people born so confident and self-sufficient and just generally likeable people and then others are so unsure of themselves (guess which I am)?
I just feel so lost...
I am not sure the answer to any of these but I know these are the things I really need to work on so any help is much appreciated :) (so far not off to a good start on the being my own person and not relying on other people. Oh well I guess we all have to start somewhere...)
Monday, April 14, 2008
G.P. Are you with me?
So yesterday I went to what could possibly be there very last Sonics game ever at the Key Arena. I spent over $200.00 on two tickets and then I almost didn't go because Anthony and I were fighting. The game started at 6:00 and I think we finally left the apartment at 6:10. We made it to the game two minutes into the second quarter but who should walk in right before us? Gary Payton!! He sat seven rows right in front of me. Literally not seven rows up and three sections over he was right in front of me. I love Gary Payton! He is my all time favorite basketball player. He signed some autographs for people but I was too big of a wuss to go ask him because there were cops making people leave him alone but the few that snuck through he happily signed and posed for pictures. He is so awesome!! Of course Anthony forgot his camera so this is all I could get from my crappy 1.3 megapixel cell phone camera.
Ok here is a better picture of The Glove at the game that was taken by somebody at the Seattle Times.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I am finally doing it...
I am going back to school!! I have finally decided on what I want to do with my life! I am going back to school to study Nutrition. I am also interested in becoming a personal trainer as well. I am starting off slow and just taking a couple of classes at BCC. It will take awhile but at least I have finally made a decision that I feel good about it and that makes me very happy and excited!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday Blues
So it is Friday March 21st and I only have a half hour left of work with nothing to do so here I am.
Life is pretty sad when the highlight of your day is running seven miles on a treadmill, running to the bank for work (which isn't every day) to replenish the petty cash, and going to the gym (one of the few occasions I actually get to spend time with Anthony). I realized today that I have no life. I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do I don't see that often or ever, and being shy sucks because it makes it harder to make new friends. Anthony works a lot and I find myself sitting around doing nothing. How do I get out of this rut? How do I meet new people? I am horrible at making plans or even at calling someone to see if they want to hang out. I think it is because in the back of my mind I feel that they won't really want to but feel obligated or that I will get rejected. I know that isn't always the case and I am not proud of it but it is what it is. I hate feeling this way. Help!!
Tonight I am actually going out to dinner for Ashley's 24th birthday but really she is the only friend I see somewhat regularly and by that I mean maybe once a month, maybe. Oh well, I hope everyone has a good weekend!!
Life is pretty sad when the highlight of your day is running seven miles on a treadmill, running to the bank for work (which isn't every day) to replenish the petty cash, and going to the gym (one of the few occasions I actually get to spend time with Anthony). I realized today that I have no life. I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do I don't see that often or ever, and being shy sucks because it makes it harder to make new friends. Anthony works a lot and I find myself sitting around doing nothing. How do I get out of this rut? How do I meet new people? I am horrible at making plans or even at calling someone to see if they want to hang out. I think it is because in the back of my mind I feel that they won't really want to but feel obligated or that I will get rejected. I know that isn't always the case and I am not proud of it but it is what it is. I hate feeling this way. Help!!
Tonight I am actually going out to dinner for Ashley's 24th birthday but really she is the only friend I see somewhat regularly and by that I mean maybe once a month, maybe. Oh well, I hope everyone has a good weekend!!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Story of my life...
I got this email from a co-worker this morning and it made me smile. A little over exaggerated but yet so true...
Women in public washrooms... soo funny you have to read it.
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper; not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get. By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush some how sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Women in public washrooms... soo funny you have to read it.
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper; not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get. By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush some how sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
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